I’m guilty as charged
Not intentionally but because I was very naive, had never heard of Parental Alienation and there was no way I could comprehend a parent being so EVIL.
I am now an alienated parent myself but deep down cannot forgive myself for unintentionally being complicit with what I was unaware of for 23 years until it s been done to me by the very same mother, grandparents and extended family.
It began in 1995, I met the mother of my three children, she had a son when we started dating he was two years old and fatherless.
Of course I asked where dad was and why he had no contact at the beginning.
The what I know now to be lies were instant from both the mother and her awful parents.
” He was a violent thug who used to knock mum around.”
” He was a thieving little scumbag”
” He was a deadbeat”
” she was the Victim of domestic abuse ”
” the child was better off without him”
” He was guilty of everything, you name it him or his parents done it!” According to the what I now know to be; rotten scheming family that I’d become involved with could think of.
When you hear this from mum, nan, grandad, aunty, extended family of the mother because I realise now it’s what they themselves have been led to believe; why would you question it.
A year later she’s pregnant with our first born so as far as I’m concerned that’s it we are forever.
By now my family and I had accepted her elder child as one of our own, she came off benefits, became a stay at home coffee club wife for 21 years and she alongside her son lived off my income throughout.
She refused to accept maintenance, she refused to contact The CSA as quote ” he will be entitled to contact and my income was plenty as her son was now mine”
Being of an age too young to know any different he soon became to call me dad and this is how life continued, I was Dad and that’s how it remained for 23 years, he never wanted for anything and was welcomed as part of our family, treated exactly the same as my own. Three in total, two boys and a daughter.
Shamefully I never really gave much thought to what I now understand to be an alienated father and grandparents.
For the first few years together, every now and then the grandmother would let us know Dad had been on the phone asking for mum’s contact details to re-establish contact. This lady took great pleasure telling the father of her first grandchild to ” fuck off , take us to court, they’d make sure they destroyed him”
I didnt even question these moments, it was their family matter and I was an outsider and not my buisness. After 3 or 4 years of this the gentleman in question chose to walk away for reasons unbeknown to me !
It was as the boy reached the age of 14 or 15 and the power of social media became common place; he was contacted by a sister he never knew he had and at this point my gut feeling told me something was awry with everything I’d been led to believe. We meet these two half sisters and their mother in a restaurant and have a couple if hours getting to know each other.
My gut feeling was screaming inside after being told the guy was a great dad, although a shit ex and had always been in the girls lives. I guess this is the difference between an alienator that uses kids as pawns and weapons and a decent parent that puts their differences aside and agrees with both parents being in the kids lives.
The boy and his sister’s remained in contact and I soon forgot those thoughts and feelings of being deceived.
Years pass and two days after the boys 18th birthday, dad politely makes contact with the mother of my children and asks ” now our son is 18 and an adult is it ok for him to contact him and possibly have a reunification ”
Being what I now know to be an alienator; this upset her immensely, made her furious and start plotting and scheming to do all in her power to prevent such! When asked my opinion I explained the boy was an adult, it was up to him whether he wanted to meet his real father.
This pissed the alienator off further as apparently I was meant to be on her side ! No that’s his father, he’s an adult so it’s up to him. A few weeks later a meeting was arranged but for the poor alienated father it must of been horrendous, the boy met him for five or ten minutes just to repeat all the bullshit and lies he’d been indoctrinated with and promptly told him I’m dad not him and walked away.
The PA was complete and beyond return and I was guilty of aiding it by taking the boy on as mine, him calling me dad and as previously said never questioned the Alienation once except on the occassion driving home after meeting the other offspring that first time.
Years later she leaves after embarking on her third affair, moves in with the latest lover instantly then marries him 10 months later,
For the first 5 months our sons chose to live with me and a shared care of 50 / 50 was in place that worked extremely well until our daughter and I began having days out with a family friend and her child, for some reason ironically this caused mum to develop major issues.
After assaulting me weeks later and the police advising me to change the locks for my own safety, the only weapon left to hurt me was our daughter and denying contact.
The false allegations, the lies, the stories identical to those I’d listened to and never questioned about the other father for 23 years began instantly and still continue four years later.
I mean identical regarding my elderly parents, my family and obviously me
False allegations of DV in family court work everytime it seems if you’re the non resident parent and now I have to live with the fear and dread of our daughter living in this hostile environment will result in the same ending.
If you’re a step mum, stepdad and your partners children have no contact with the other parent without proof that they are a danger, don’t make the same mistakes I did and question all you are told .