Stuck in the system, CAFCASS’s role – Deliberate or incompetent

After being stuck in family court for the best part of 3 years, 2 years and 8 months to be exact. A dozen hearings, cancellations and jumping through hoops and agreeing to partake in pathetic courses etc that are a complete waste of time other than to appease a judge and the court room in a desperate effort to regain a relationship with our deliberately alienated daughter.

The better parenting course that CAFCASS refer you to. A total farce and damn right insulting after raising three teenage sons that have never been in trouble and have good careers who you are informed are perfect gentleman and congratulated on your parenting skills for raising them so well.

The machavellian alienator does the same course to make themselves look like the innocent party and willing to cooperate for them it’s all part of the game they are coached to play by their unethical legal teams to earn a fortune and gain points.

You turn up for a morning, watch a video of a couple of children talking about their parents hostility towards each other during seperation and then gain a certificate stating you have attended. The videos and chats inform you of nothing you dont already know because you’ve been dealing with an alienater for months anyway. The course changes nothing , you have the good target parent attempting and agreeing to anything just for the desperate hope of a moments contact with a once loving child and the alienating parent that is purely manipulating the system to make you look like a deviant of some description.

After reading hundreds of stories of others in family court on social media alone without google just enter Parental alienation, family court or CAFCASS in any search bar and the results are endless and after ten minutes of reading you will realise it’s extremely depressing and there is something very wrong with a system supposedly designed to protect the children but in reality encourages the long term emotional abuse and parental alienation of said children wilfully and deliberately.

This itself is rather ironic because from my experience which it seems is identical to hundreds of others, the Child is left in the hands of the abusive, destructive alienating parent that has major issues, whether mental or just vindictive and spiteful is anyone’s guess.

Read ” Family court Hell ” by Mark Harris or read the real facts behind so many other high profile stories; not the judge released crap that protects whatever they are hiding and you will realise the system is overwhelmingly corrupt, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it and the system will totally destroy you for having the right to love your children and dare stand against the tide of corruption involved within its secret perverse walls.

This is not about “protecting the children as they claim it’s about keeping the revenue rolling in for government coffers by a very well oiled machine.

The list is endless, the stories are identical, the common theme is innocent parents and childrens relationships and lives destroyed by false allegations with no evidence to substantiate them apart from an NMO or restraining order that has been granted at some point again without evidence of the alienator being in any danger.

However the innocent target parent has evidence that the allegations are all false and in hundreds of cases i’ve read or had a glimpse of they have evidence of the facts that it’s the alienator that is themselves carrying out those offences they are accusing the healthy parent of including extreme violence towards either the child or the target parent.

Researching the internet I’ve realised hundreds if not thousands are going through the exact situation and living the farce of families being destroyed in the UK family law system daily on a whim based on false allegations of Domestic abuse without a shred of evidence and CAFCASS and family court aid it without a shred of remorse or thought for the victim child / children.

CAFCASS are ordered to carry out a section 7 report, it’s once again a pathetic farce, in our case anyway plus the too many to mention stories I’ve read on social media and the internet. The story is identical for thousands, you tell the truth, nothing but the truth and they blatantly lie in their reports because they like the other parent more because they already have custody and they’ve been given so much power by a court system not fit for purpose, CAFCASS wouldn’t be required if at the first hearings judges studied the truth and punished the false allegations instantly, so they lie and deceive to protract cases to keep employed as they know they are untouchable once the lies are proved with evidence.

Apart from the Child Maintenance service, CAFCASS are probably the most corrupt government organisation known to any loving alienated parent!

Family court advisors do not care about the truth. The most innocent comments are misinterpreted, facts and evidence is hidden and deliberately omitted from the section 7 depending which parent the supposed expert has taken a liking too the most.

In our case the FCA should not be allowed near a court room and should never be requested to swear an oath whilst touching a bible for fear of instantaneous combustion. With the Lies, denial, corruption taken place they would make a people smuggling drug smuggling, violent armed robber look like a saint.

Then her previous line manager admits she’s failed in her duty of care to our daughter after raising an official complaint. This manager after spending an hour plus on the phone explaining where the FCA has failed, how and what points to raise during cross examination when the time comes is immediately replaced by CAFCASS as her line manager a day later and now having a conflict of interest after being informed I’ve made an official complaint about her the FCA is left on the case and makes another scathing report for the court about me days later out of vindictiveness and spite.

In the mean time cafcass customer services who deal with complaints regarding the fcas very dubious and corrupt actions up cover it all up immediately proving the whole organisation are a farce destroying children’s lives forever.

But everything about this organisation is a farce from the lowest of the low, crooked family court advisors to the complaints manager whom you prove to with overwhelming evidence that the FCA is incompetent, corrupt and lies blatantly but family court and judges rely heavily on them to do their homework on cases for them hence them being given so much power and being untouchable.

I can only tell our story truthfully as it unravelled and without a shadow of a doubt many of you reading it will read so many similarities you will realise the truth is terrifying but before you start reading our story.

I’ll quote a Deputy District Judge whom we sat in front of several times, sadly it was about other matters and not child custody / access matters as I know for a fact if it had been, I’d have full custody of our daughter without a shred of a doubt. By the time we had sat in front of this DDJ , he had seen through my ex within the hour and to my complete surprise he politely asked my Ex if she was a vindictive bitch 4 times in one hearing without actually saying the word bitch.

Then I got lucky after one hearing I managed to have a conversation with him in his court room for an hour off the record just him and I alone. A conversation he embarked on after my ex lied to him yet again via email after a no show and her solicitors lied to him 7 times during two phone calls to explain why they had not attended. He asked how the custody case was proceeding, the look on my face must have said it all, a look he’s most likely seen hundreds of times, Broken, hollow, emotionally and physically beaten into the ground by the same system he works in.

He then enquires as to whether CAFCASS are involved and how much input they’ve had so far.

” yes your Honour and if I can be blunt they are dangerously inept” immediately he places his head in his hands and shakes from side to side, looks up at me and confirms by saying what thousands of us already know

” CAFCASS should be no where near a court room and should never be allowed near children, they are incompetent and given too much power and if I had my way I’d never allow them to be involved in any case before me ”

I’m stunned, I’m amused and to be honest I’m fucking amazed. I’ve got a Deputy District Judge sitting here, chatting to me civily as if we was having a pint in the pub on a sunday afternoon and expressing his opinion. ( YES, impossible to believe but if any of you have ever come across this guy, you’d know exactly who I’m talking about, he’s one of us, he’s human, he’s approachable he says it how it is in laymans terms and sees lying Exes for exactly what they are ).

He enquires as to who the FCA is assigned to our case, he’s never come across her. I mention another FCA who had pretended for six months to be her line manager and again his head goes into his hands and shakes from side to side vigorously mumbling

“no, no, no, no” as if distressed. I now ask or state

” you’ve obviously met the gentleman your honour” and smile meekly.

He looks at me and again surprises me beyond belief, firstly he asks if I’ve had dealings with the FCA I’ve just mentioned recently and when I say yes he is stunned and says

” He’s surprised this guy is still employed and there is no way he should be still working in children’s cases due to incompetence and should never be allowed near a court room unless it’s for perjury charges ”

Fuck me I filled with Dread and Awe at the same time. Dread for my daughter and anyone else’s children who’s lives these two FCAs are involved in and total Awe and utmost respect for this DDJ who is admitting to me personally what we all know anyway

” CAFCASS are not fit for purpose and should be not ever be allowed near a court room, a Child or pen and paper to compose a report under any circumstances ”

however out of respect for this fella I’m now privy to a private conversation with on a one to one basis I know I can never use or repeat his comments in a court room in front of any other judge and am risking all by putting to print.


I’d heard about CAFCASS and begged them to take on our case months earlier. Not realising they cannot involve themselves but have to be instructed by the court.

My first meeting is at their local offices, upon arrival the fire alarm sounds and everyone is evacuated. I’m sitting on top of the steps outside watching the various people whom work in this building return after it’s announced as a false alarm. Looking at various badges searching for CAFCASS name tags. Two walk past in deep conversation I hear this one say to her colleague ” bloody parents who do they think they are? “. Short, plump, wirey ginger hair, awful dress sense looking like something from a women’s rights or Greenpeace demonstration. My gut feeling instantly tells me shes going to be whom I deal with and instant dread kicks in.

Yes you’ve guessed it, it’s her, she reminds me off Grottbag from a kids program I used to watch so many years ago as a child and my gut feeling is screaming at me ” you’re fucked John”.

Good old gut feeling never wrong; was sadly for our daughter telling the truth again, I was fucked good and proper and can honestly say in my entire life had never met anyone as corrupt and deceitful as I was soon to learn over the coming months.

I wasn’t a bad boy growing up but over the years have met and befriended many naughty ones, some very naughty in deed including a guy done years for manslaughter, those done time for armed robbery, thieves, fighters, drug dealers and numerous corrupt employees from CEO Downwards in my career choices in the national house building game but with hand on heart can honestly say I had never seen or witnessed the new levels of corruption and deceit I was about to witness first hand from an entire government approved organisation.

The difference as well, all the above mentioned never destroyed lives wilfully like the employees of CAFCASS do and none would ever destroy or harm a child on purpose; not even the drug dealers amongst them.

Our first meeting is a comic strip, it’s a mixture of a Norman wisdom crossed with a three stooges story line; rather like family law in the UK.

I have a supposed expert social worker trained family court advisor telling me the reason I don’t see my 7 year old daughter is because I spent the summer holidays in hospital 40 years ago when I was 7 years old after being run over by a car and the trauma it caused. I’m trying to comprehend what I’d just heard and work out whether she’s being serious !

Yes she was then to add to this she goes on and claims that the other reason I don’t see our daughter is because my parents took us to a working man’s club back in the 70s and early 80s and dad urinated in the bushes on the way home after a couple of light Ales !

I’m not sure whether to cry, piss myself laughing or just get up and walk away from this complete moron assigned to our case. The reason I don’t see our daughter is because my Ex like thousands of others is vindictive, spiteful and pure evil using the kids as weapons and this lot are not trained sufficiently to recognise it or just don’t care because the acrimony they encourage and create deliberately alongside ignoring and hiding the truth and evidence keeps the government funding pouring in and them in their £45 an hour jobs that they are not trained to do.

She refuses to view evidence, quote “until it’s submitted to court” so I play mind games with her.

You won’t want these photos of extreme violence in our relationship then will you ? Knowing she’s going to bite my arm off.

Of course she did she snatches them and slips them in her folder instantly until I say ” the violence is all from mum towards our daughter and I” she then flicks through them sees the ferocity of the violence towards me and instantly tries to return them. Of course I refuse to accept after all a card laid is a card played.

Next I do the same with transcripts of text between our daughter and I claiming “they’re not very nice” she again snatches them and puts in folder probably thinking she’s got something against me until I explain ” they’re not very nice because they’re so sad with my daughter telling me she loves me to the moon and back, she misses me, she wants to see me ”

Again she attempts to return and states she she can’t view them until submitted to court !

I do the same trick with the ” I want to fuck you all day long” messages the Ex and been sending her latest lover for months behind my back plus other evidence proving I’m just an innocent father denied contact out of spite.

“Why did you just take all them then and the violence photos then try to return when you realised they proved our daughter and I are the victims ?”

No answer or explanation and she makes her excuses and leaves.

I walk away from this meeting, baffled, amazed, confused and quite honestly astounded by her comments, her actions and the fact this moron is supposed to be an expert used by the family court system. But with a little optimism thinking now she’s got all that evidence in her possession she cannot deny any of it and will have to report it.

Wow, was I wrong, she lies about everything said and omits all of it from the section 7.

The second meeting at my home, she instantly refuses to talk to me in front of my mother but she’d already interviewed the exes mother, father, latest lover and anyone else she could find who would attempt to defame me.

Talk about unfair and bias at the outset. Mum leaves and we get down to buisness, she views videos of our daughter and I both being violently assaulted by the Ex. I attempt to show her photographic evidence of the Ex constantly harassing a family friend out of jealousy and spite. She unbelievably covers her eyes so she can’t see them, then put her fingers in her ears like a 5 year old when I requested she listen to some audio evidence of my ex destroying our daughters life deliberately.

Now I’m absolutely dumbfounded, a family court advisor whom is supposed to be the expert investigating the truth is sitting at my dining room table acting like a 5 year old in the school playground !

Then we continue and more pathetic comments based on her personal feelings.

After 23 years and your Ex leaving , you should be or must be grieving there’s no way you could become so happy so quick after her leaving, you must miss her dearly !

” no love, she was on her third affair that we know of, couldn’t keep her pants on whilst I was at work, so why would I be grieving we’ve been done for years After her last affair with her best mates husband ? In fact read these emails begging her for weeks to go away be happy and leave us alone !”

Under no circumstances is this woman going to accept anything I say as the truth regardless of overwhelming evidence and good old gut feeling is screaming at me again she’s going to lie her arse off and absolutely slander you in her report John, she don’t like you or anything you have to say !

I was right, the section 7 was composed of a pack of cleverly manipulated innocent answers I’d gave to her questions; answers so twisted and deceitful she must have mixed up her case notes with that of a monster, blatant lies based on her own personal feelings.

I sack my solicitor after a couple of months for refusing to contest the bullshit based on his own bullshit that it would make me look petty and go against me in court and because I’d realised they were playing the system to milk me of thousands almost 20K by now in eight months for work I’d never seen.

I text the FCA weeks ahead of the next hearing and request the evidence she’d based her pack of lies on only to be ignored until four days later a guy phones me states his name and claims he’s her manager then informs me ” there was no evidence , she had based her reports on her personal beliefs and experiences”

Over the next four months awaiting court I either messaged or rang this supposed manager for information not realising I was being lied to and fooled.

I’ll cut to court now, its supposed to be a finding of facts over a two day period, the first day was ok until the DDJ informs me he will base the outcome on cafcass recommendations the following day, that’s it I know any chance of seeing my daughter now is doomed.

The following morning, its the Ex, the FCA and I chatting; neither care what I have to say and the FCA is all over the Ex like a five year old over a new puppy ” oh you poor thing ”

The ex goes to a consulting room where her entourage of flying monkeys are waiting, the FCA says to me ” you complained about me didn’t you ?

” yes that’s correct 6 months ago ”

Then as she gets up to walk off she states quite clearly ” in that case I’m going to recommend no direct contact until you’ve done the BBR Course for violent offenders”

Knowing I cannot get on it as I have no history or any reports of violence, walks off and closes her self in the consulting room with the ex and her flying monkeys until called to court where she deliberately destroys a child’s life.

The following few days I attempt to get hold of whom I believed was her manager only to be ignored; so I ring cafcass direct asking to speak to him at which point I’m informed I’ve been deceived by both and he’s no one’s manager just a colleague of our crooked FCA. A meeting is arranged with her genuine line manager days later who states she’s failed in her duty to our daughter by refusing to mention the extreme violence perpetrated by the Ex towards myself and a minor bit he can’t or won’t do anything about it because court has finished.

Then goes on to tell me ” don’t worry the parental alienation of our daughter will backfire on mum, I may have to wait a few years but it always does he’s seen it 100s of times ”

Proving with these two statements that at this particular branch, from manager down this organisation s not fit for purpose and all are willing to destroy children’s lives and child parent relationships for the sake of keeping theirs and their friends jobs.

Taken to customer services and complaints , regardless of the overwhelming evidence I had everything was covered up completely with no further action.

This is what occurs when government organisations are permitted to police themselves following complaints.

On our case alone I could name four members of staff who are willing to pervert the course of justice and destroy lives without a shred of remorse or second thought.

Parental alienation part 2 – A short verse

The days drag
Your energy does sag
The mind is weary
The eyes are teary

Your babies the same
Due to the alienator game
But the law says
You’re to blame because to family
Court you came

For being a loving parent
You’re punished because you care
To speak the truth
If you may dare.
What goes on behind secret doors
The public are not aware
And the judges
Really couldn’t care

The emotions and frustration you suffer
Are sadly mistaken as mental health issues
By those who follow a certain vocation
In a job that should need tissues.
And to protect their jobs they make your life tougher
Until it finally Hits a buffer

They are really meant to be aware
Of the children who are left in despair.
These children cry alone at night
Because mummy or daddy
Are never in sight.
But the experts never see the pain
We share
because they really just don’t Care.


Parental Alienation- part 1 a short verse

The pain of being alienated ♡

You finally sleep long after the moon breaks,
Your heart aches before the sun awakes,

The moment your eyes open,
The thoughts are constant,
The pain is instant.
Missing them is unbearable,
The fake smile on your face is barely wearable.

You mumble through the days
With your mind in a haze.
Like an actor playing a role
Burying the pain deep within your soul
Because The alienator has all the control.

You worry about your offspring,
Their pain must drive them wild,
After all they are but a child.
If only you could ring to hear their heart sing.

You continue on regardless
Hoping their day is painless
You know these thoughts are unbelievable
All caused by pure evil
Who’d have thought it would end like this
You wish your child
You could kiss ♡



I’m guilty as charged

Not intentionally but because I was very naive, had never heard of Parental Alienation and there was no way I could comprehend a parent being so EVIL.

I am now an alienated parent myself but deep down cannot forgive myself for unintentionally being complicit with what I was unaware of for 23 years until it s been done to me by the very same mother, grandparents and extended family.

It began in 1995, I met the mother of my three children, she had a son when we started dating he was two years old and fatherless.

Of course I asked where dad was and why he had no contact at the beginning.

The what I know now to be lies were instant from both the mother and her awful parents.

” He was a violent thug who used to knock mum around.”

” He was a thieving little scumbag”

” He was a deadbeat”

” she was the Victim of domestic abuse ”

” the child was better off without him”

” He was guilty of everything, you name it him or his parents done it!” According to the what I now know to be; rotten scheming family that I’d become involved with could think of.

When you hear this from mum, nan, grandad, aunty, extended family of the mother because I realise now it’s what they themselves have been led to believe; why would you question it.

A year later she’s pregnant with our first born so as far as I’m concerned that’s it we are forever.

By now my family and I had accepted her elder child as one of our own, she came off benefits, became a stay at home coffee club wife for 21 years and she alongside her son lived off my income throughout.

She refused to accept maintenance, she refused to contact The CSA as quote ” he will be entitled to contact and my income was plenty as her son was now mine”

Being of an age too young to know any different he soon became to call me dad and this is how life continued, I was Dad and that’s how it remained for 23 years, he never wanted for anything and was welcomed as part of our family, treated exactly the same as my own. Three in total, two boys and a daughter.

Shamefully I never really gave much thought to what I now understand to be an alienated father and grandparents.

For the first few years together, every now and then the grandmother would let us know Dad had been on the phone asking for mum’s contact details to re-establish contact. This lady took great pleasure telling the father of her first grandchild to ” fuck off , take us to court, they’d make sure they destroyed him”

I didnt even question these moments, it was their family matter and I was an outsider and not my buisness. After 3 or 4 years of this the gentleman in question chose to walk away for reasons unbeknown to me !

It was as the boy reached the age of 14 or 15 and the power of social media became common place; he was contacted by a sister he never knew he had and at this point my gut feeling told me something was awry with everything I’d been led to believe. We meet these two half sisters and their mother in a restaurant and have a couple if hours getting to know each other.

My gut feeling was screaming inside after being told the guy was a great dad, although a shit ex and had always been in the girls lives. I guess this is the difference between an alienator that uses kids as pawns and weapons and a decent parent that puts their differences aside and agrees with both parents being in the kids lives.

The boy and his sister’s remained in contact and I soon forgot those thoughts and feelings of being deceived.

Years pass and two days after the boys 18th birthday, dad politely makes contact with the mother of my children and asks ” now our son is 18 and an adult is it ok for him to contact him and possibly have a reunification ”

Being what I now know to be an alienator; this upset her immensely, made her furious and start plotting and scheming to do all in her power to prevent such! When asked my opinion I explained the boy was an adult, it was up to him whether he wanted to meet his real father.

This pissed the alienator off further as apparently I was meant to be on her side ! No that’s his father, he’s an adult so it’s up to him. A few weeks later a meeting was arranged but for the poor alienated father it must of been horrendous, the boy met him for five or ten minutes just to repeat all the bullshit and lies he’d been indoctrinated with and promptly told him I’m dad not him and walked away.

The PA was complete and beyond return and I was guilty of aiding it by taking the boy on as mine, him calling me dad and as previously said never questioned the Alienation once except on the occassion driving home after meeting the other offspring that first time.

Years later she leaves after embarking on her third affair, moves in with the latest lover instantly then marries him 10 months later,

For the first 5 months our sons chose to live with me and a shared care of 50 / 50 was in place that worked extremely well until our daughter and I began having days out with a family friend and her child, for some reason ironically this caused mum to develop major issues.

After assaulting me weeks later and the police advising me to change the locks for my own safety, the only weapon left to hurt me was our daughter and denying contact.

The false allegations, the lies, the stories identical to those I’d listened to and never questioned about the other father for 23 years began instantly and still continue four years later.

I mean identical regarding my elderly parents, my family and obviously me

False allegations of DV in family court work everytime it seems if you’re the non resident parent and now I have to live with the fear and dread of our daughter living in this hostile environment will result in the same ending.

If you’re a step mum, stepdad and your partners children have no contact with the other parent without proof that they are a danger, don’t make the same mistakes I did and question all you are told .